I think I have been poisoned by food.
Is this really happenning?
Is this karma? What’d I do?
Anyone have a home remedy they can share? Don’t say Pepto. Just smelling that stuff induces vomit in me. Seriously, kill me now. I am not well at all.
In other news: This-
What girl doesn’t like a big tub of Jelly Belly jelly beans and some happy looking flowers?
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So I’ve decided to start telling people that I’m a writer. Is this acceptable? LOL I write things. Today I wrote a list. Right now (foooookity. I already fooked that up) I am writing this blog post. I am a person who writes. Writer.
If you’re new to the blog- in divorced. Im single. I stay home with my 2.5 year old. How do I do this? It’s not easy. I live off her dad and I get a bit of money from babysitting and the google ads on the sidebar. I’m totally ok with this lifestyle because I get to stay home with my daughter all day and raise her myself. This time goes by really fast and I want to enjoy it.
It means I don’t get to enjoy the luxuries that I had when I was married, but this life is far better than what I had pre-divorce. I’ll be able to get a job when she goes to school. Until then, I’m here. It’s something we decided when we split. I’m ok with it.
I’m bringing this up because I went to a dinner thing with the neighbors and some of the other parents there were just in shock that I don’t have a job. I totally get that and I know they were mocking me behind my back. Honestly I would laugh at me too. This is a totally weird situation and it deserves a good laugh. Someone asked me if I had a “sugar daddy.” haha!!! No. LMAO. Same thing happened at the kids play gym that we go to.
My life is so ridiculous.
I’m going to have to come up with a better story. Right now it’s “oh, yes- I work. I’m a writer!”
And then I’ll try not to laugh as I pass this bullshit rambling mess of a blog off as writing.
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So many things to do today. Nothing really that important, but they are on my list. If its on the list, I have to do it. Sometimes I put things on the list I’ve already done just so I can check them off. I live for checked off lists.
First: Eat these without any judgmental looks.
Oreo Cookie Balls:
1 package Oreo cookies (minus 4- eat them while you make these) pulsed until sandy in a food processor
1 package cream cheese
Combine cream cheese and Oreo cookie crumbles and roll them into tablespoon size balls. Melt some chocolate and then dip, covering completely. Put on a cookie sheet to cool in fridge overnight.
You’re welcome.
Once I’m done stuffing my face, and enjoying every second of it, I’m going to load up the toddler and go to Starbucks. Here’s Mia:
She just can’t be bothered to put down the juice box and smile. But how cute is that Minnie Mouse purse from WDW? Thanks, Grandpa.
We have to go to her new school and do something. Then we have to go get a light fixture for my front porch before the HOA has a shizz fit. I hate our HOA. The President is a crazy Russian woman who walks around the neighborhood in a mu-mu and does chants at night. I’m not 100% certain about that last thing, but she’s weird as hell so it fits.
Then I have to pay some incredibly large medical bills and I have no idea how I’ll be doing that.
Ditto for the light bill. Ditto the gas bill. Being a grown up sucks balls.
How many times have I said balls in this post?
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You know what? I have discovered things about myself this past year that I either tried to hide or was self conscious about and now that I’m getting to know myself again, I LIKE ME.
For example, I like to cook. How many times have I said “I have a no cook policy?” Wanna know why I said that? The true and honest reason is that people thought I sucked at it and I was embarrassed to cook anything because of that. So I would declare that “I don’t cook” to mask my insecurities in the kitchen.
Ex hubs only ate healthy food. Unless he was eating taco bell or burger king. But nothing I cooked was ever tasty enough, I guess, so it would go to waste. Seriously, its not fun to cook for yourself if you think someone else hates what you made. After a while I just stopped cooking. Who wants to eat alone and then clean up alone?
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Too many things going on. Here are some photos from the week/weekend because im lazy and tired and watching Caillou. We are so full from all the Chinese New Year celebrations today….
Here we are on the carousel after we enrolled in school. Yes, school. She won’t start until Fall, so I have tons of time to prepare myself. I’m going to be a big girl about it.
She must, at all times, have painted nails. Princesses have nail polish and it must always include glitter. These are her words, not mine. I paint them at least twice a week.
And then she paints mine…
This is after we picked up my neighbor’s kid from school. Mia was super pissed about something (there is literally NO telling what….I’ll be honest- she’s sort of moody) and this is her “bitch please” face. She’s like her dad. If she’s mad, don’t talk to her or she will laser burn you with her eyeballs.
It’s been cold in Las Vegas, so I made her wear this hat that doesn’t fit and a sweatshirt that belonged to her cousin about 15 years ago. 15 year old hand me downs are kind of awesome, especially vintage UCSB sweatshirts.
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The other day on twitter (I say LOTS of things on twitter that I don’t say on the blog….get your ass over there…), someone- and I can’t remember who…- was asking what to do if/when your toddler says a swear word. I think the responses ranged from “speak to your child about the negative impact to society of such words” to “try not to laugh.” This has actually happened in my home- surprise! surprise!- and let me tell you IT WAS ALL I COULD DO TO NOT FALL OVER LAUGHING.
I have a slight potty mouth.
Oh. Fuck. You know and I know that I have the vocabulary of a sailor. Sorry mom and dad that I’m not a soft spoken gal without an opinion. Ever since I could talk I’m sure I jabbered on about something ridiculous- for example, the time I declared that I wanted to sign autographs for a living. For what? For being fucking awesome, that’s what.
Maybe it’s because I grew up with 4 brothers. Maybe it’s because my parents were hippies (don’t try to lie, parents. I’ve seen the photos and your hair and clothes scream HIPPIE!!).
So back to the point. Mia was in the bath last night and she goes “oh, damnit, I spilled the tea” after she knocked over the bath tea party set. Just as calm as can be. No emotions. Just said the word and moved on. My first thought- Don’t laugh. My second thought- “holy cow my kid is a genius. She said damn in the correct context.” I am a model parent. Then I thought “crap what do I do!”
I decided to just ignore it. I saw in a book once that they crave attention at age 2 and it’s probably best if you don’t make a big deal about something and ignore it. The theory is that they will forget about it after they decide that that particular thing does not get a rise out of you. I have no idea where that info came from and it could have been written in the same book series as the one that my mom gave me on pregnancy that told me to limit my cigarette intake while pregnant. Forget “don’t smoke,” no…just limit it. Classic. Written in the 50′s. Favorite book ever. So it could totally be a bunch of bull (like most parenting books, IMO).
I know why she said it. She got it from me. Earlier in the day I tripped and hurt my toe and said “oh dammit!!” and Mia stared at me like she was trying to figure out that word. Funny story- a mommy friend I used to hang out with was at the beach with her 3 year old. The kid slipped out of her shoe while walking on the beach and the dad didn’t stop- he just kept walking. The kid was like “dad stop! I dropped my shoe” but I guess he didn’t hear her and kept going. She looked up at her mom and said “daddy is an asshole, mommy.” Her response (to me) was “truer words were never spoken” but at the time she just tried not to laugh and ignored the comment.
I think that’s best. If they say something once or twice, just ignore it. It’s probably because they heard you say it and they want to be just like you. If they do it more than that, tell them the word is not a nice word to say and offer punishment if they say it again. I think a lecture on WHY the word is bad and blah blah blah is really ridiculous. I grew up with long winded lectures and I learned NOTHING. Obvs. I refuse to speak to Mia like she’s 25.
Look, it’s gonna happen. Kid’s are going to say bad words and it’s probably likely that they will do it in public just to show your mom friends what a crappy parent you are.
But im curious to know if your kids have said bad words. What did they say? What did you do about it?
And yes, I am cleaning up my language. My 2 year old is a little repeater and says everything she hears me say.
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Mia is 2 years, 5 months (almost) and we have conversations like this all the time. Sometimes they are a bit more animated, but this was before bed the other night and she was getting sleepy.
Seriously, turn a camera on this girl- the iPhone camera where she can see herself- and she will jabber on and on about anything.
So dang random. It got even more random after that. She told me the dragon from Harry Potter was going to get me and then she hid. This is how it goes though. She says something, I say something, nothing makes sense…..
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Sometimes (especially all of 2011), life hands you too many downs and not enough ups. But then something happens- even something super small- and you are able to forget all of the crap going on in your life and smile. Smile and genuinely feel happy and lucky that you are so loved.
The other day, ex hubs was dropping Mia off early after they had been out for the afternoon. He said she was asking for me all day, which of course makes me so sad. I miss her when she goes with him for a few hours. She ran up to me, put her arms around me and hugged my neck really tight. In her pig tails, oversized pink polka dot bows, baby Gap jeans and big chubby cheeks, she looked at her dad and said “thank you for my mommy” and then kissed my cheek. And then hugged me some more.
That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me, and she’s only two and a half. I love having a daughter, but it is absolute perfection to have Mia.
Thank you, Mia, for making mommy’s heart so full.
What has your child said to make you feel happy? I love hearing these stories.
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I wrote a post a while ago about the contents of my diaper bag, but that was almost 2 years ago. Things have changed a bit as far as what I carry around with me. Here’s what I’m packing:
Coach bag (ok, this was a “HOLY CRAP I’m getting divorced and I’m pissed off” splurge)- if you’re going fancy, make sure it’s fabric you can wipe off. The last thing you want is a $400 diaper bag with milk stains on it. Instant crap, if you ask me.
I used to carry diapers, but since she is potty trained (even at night!) I carry around a ziploc bag of emergency pull ups, wipes (because you always need them- for hands, dirty mouths, etc.), and an extra pair of undies and leggings. If there is a peepee accident, it’s just easiest if you have an extra pair of pants with you.
Here we have my phone, some crayons, a box of cookies (from Whole Foods, organic or something- they taste like cardboard), a Hello Kitty boo boo pouch (always getting a boo boo these days- it’s a pouch I can put ice in), her birth certificate (for plane rides), a hair clip, a binky and some princess lip gloss (hers, of course). Also, some baby sunglasses.
A bag of Tylenol and Aquaphor. Keep these in a bag in case they leak or something.
Hand sanitizer, Shout wipes (get these- they take stains away like magic), and Boogie Wipes. The wipes have saline or something in them and the cool moms at the park had them, so I got some too. You MUST, at all times, keep up with the cool moms at the park. Otherwise, don’t even bother.
There are pouches on the side for her sippy cups of milk or whatever I put in them. I also have a small pouch that stores boo boo sticks (or, tampons. LOL), my lip gloss and some paper and pens. That’s pretty much all I carry with me….besides the occasional toy or iPod or extra pair of socks.
What kind of diaper bag do you have? What do you put it it?
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…..and I’m wearing flannel pajamas.
These are cheap ones from Kohl’s.
This is probably it for the rest of the day. I’ve got laundry and stuff to do and it’s cold in my house.
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Me.
Mia (The Boo Boo)
Stuff You Can Buy Me
- Here is the correct photo http://t.co/oOPjEiaJ
- Shiiittttt. I attached the wrong picture. That's me with no makeup and bed head. Not what I was going for at all.
- Have not had a haircut or a trim in like 8 months. Think it's time? http://t.co/keYp6dIR
- @balebusta now I feel like an idiot. LOL as usual.
- @balebusta you are going to Canada? My best friend lives there. Wish I was going too!!
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